I want control. All of it. I find someone surrendering everything to me in a moment of breathless, terrified anticipation incredibly sexy. I want to experience their trembling, their uncertainty, their unease, and let it hang there in glorious suspense before taking the reins once more. I want my subs to feel the way a child feels when they are tossed up in the air- tiny, insignificant, terrified, jubilant, free, and utterly out of control of the situation. I want them to feel that they could come crashing down to the Earth within a split second, catch a glimpse of the ground, feel their heart up in their throats as the ground rushes up to meet them– and then I catch them. They just will never know exactly WHEN I will catch them- which is part of what will make the domination game so delicious for me.

I see a lot of dommes screaming for subs to abuse on their social media sites, and honestly, if that works for them, that’s pretty fucking awesome that they wield that power. That’s just an approach that I haven’t felt any interest in taking, and I had thought it was a flaw within myself. Am I too nice? Too codependent? Too much of a pushover? Is this a sign that I was wrong and I shouldn’t be a professional dominatrix after all? I’d question and question and question myself. I even attempted a few half-hearted messages or posts where I was more abusive or demanding. They didn’t feel sincere. They didn’t feel sexy. They didn’t feel like me.

Now it’s taken some time, but I’m slowly figuring out the type of dominatrix I want to be, and I’m slowly figuring out what I want out of this. And I mean, let’s face it, that’s what this journey is all about anyways, right? What I want.

I’m starting to understand why chasing down subs and sliding into their DMs and approaching them aggressively on social media does not appeal to me. It’s a form of control surrender. It’s “giving in” first. It’s making the first move, throwing the first punch, going 80% and waiting for the 20%. And that can be really brave. But that’s not what I want. Making a request means you are always waiting on a response. Waiting on a response is giving someone else power over you. Why would I want to give anyone power over ME? That’s the antithesis of a dominatrix. (And for me, at least, incredibly un-sexy.)

I felt all these realizations crowding all my other thoughts out of my brain, to the point where the clamor was so loud, I just had to write them down before I went nuts. In a fit of inspiration, I snatched up my phone while in the bath, and wrote this thread on my Twitter ( I’ll share it here for your convenience.

” When I say I am a Financial Dominatrix, I am demanding a genuine D/s relationship that will benefit us both.

I won’t fill your inbox with screams to “$END NOW, BITCH!” because your money without context is meaningless to me. How unsatisfying. How will I know the depths of your devotion? It is not a monetary amount, but a percentage.

I want in your head. I want in your finances. I demand that you surrender ALL OF THEM. I want to know your bills and your debt and your daily expenses. I want your budget laid out before me, face-down and spread. I will direct what goes where and when.

I will stretch you and grow you and shape you and push you to your limits- but I will never ruin you. Ruining people falls flat for me. My commands will shape your life for the better, and you will be more satisfied and be a better sub for it.

After all, what is a D/s relationship without any trust? If you can’t trust me enough to surrender all of your finances to my control, then why are you here? Trust is earned and I am certainly demanding, yes- but I take care of my subs.

I don’t get any pleasure watching subs tumble into non-consensual debt. If that was not part of the negotiated agreement, then that domme has failed her sub, and has forsaken the trust a sub should be able to surrender to their domme completely.

I’m not your closeted gambling addiction for christ’s sake, I’m your fucking goddess. Now bow down.”

I don’t want people’s financial leftovers or allowances that are really more of a pittance. I’m not a spoiled sugarbaby. I want to take full responsibility for someone’s budget and let them feel the full fear and the full surrender of handing over all of their finances to a complete stranger- and then cultivate them as my subs. That’s what being a domme is supposed to be all about anyways- taking full responsibility for the well-being of someone else.

I finally feel like this is my domme awakening. I know what I want and I know that it is only a matter of time before I will get what I want. I’m sure I will still take many steps down this road as I continue to learn more about who I am and what makes me tick and what I derive pleasure from, but this is a wonderful first step. After so much uncertainty, I finally feel certain of something: this is what I want, and I will succeed.

“Immense power is acquired by assuring yourself in your secret reveries that you were born to control affairs.” – Andrew Carnegie

If you happen to be entertained by my random musings, stay tuned for more. Get another cup of coffee or tea or cocoa. Read on to my newer posts, and subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

Thank you for reading.

Published by madommedelia

I'm just a badass woman trying to make it in the world of BDSM.

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