There is so much growth to be had in the world of domination and BDSM, and so so much to learn. I am hungry for all of it. My view fits well within these tweets I had sent out a few days prior, on the 9th of November.
Dominants, it is our responsibility to do things that scare us, that make us uncomfortable, that force us to grow as people and as Dom(mes). We must lead by example. If we want our subs to improve themselves, we must work on ourselves twice as hard.
Submissives, it too, is your responsibility to do the things that scare you, that make you uncomfortable, that force you to grow as people and fall deeper into true submission. Your Dom(me) will know the way. Stop the fear. Tribute them. Approach them.
How can I expect the submissives under my care to work on and better themselves if I am not putting in the work to better myself as their Domme?
I have been attempting to find a dungeon that I could apprentice at to learn some of the myriad skills required to become an effective dominatrix. Thus far my small town prospects have proved to be quite bleak- though there is an all male gay bondage club that rents out a communal space and meets once a month in my area. I’ve reached out to them for further information with…limited success, unfortunately. It was difficult to not be discouraged after holding up their meetings in my mind as potential jewels of new BDSM knowledge.
A two to three hour drive may be in the cards for me each time I wish to expand my leather-clad horizons in the future. I suppose it could be an exciting first to be pulled over in full fetish-wear…or at least a good story to tell. At least there’s that to look forward to, haha.
Due to my interactions on the online kink forum Fetlife, I’ve managed to find extensive reading lists to fulfill my nerdy, insatiable lust for all the BDSM-related reading I could possibly want. And…I want a lot. Like “I might have a problem”, a lot.
I just effortlessly dropped over $125 on books from Amazon that were listed as integral BDSM reading, and that wasn’t even a third of my list. It’s a good thing I’m a findomme that knows how to budget her way around household bills and baby necessities, or my kinks would easily land me in some financial trouble.
In case any of you are curious, here’s a sample of my reading list in its expensive glory:
- Dominatrix: Gender, Eroticism, and Control in the Dungeon by Danielle J. Lindemann
- Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation by Princess Kali
- Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders by Lucy Fairbourne
- Mastering the Art of Dominance: 113 BDSM Troubleshooting Tips that Turn an Amateur into Expert Dom by Matthew Larocco
- Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating, and Exploring the Kink, Leather, and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington
- The Control Book by Peter Masters
- The History and Arts of the Dominatrix by Anne O Nomis
- The Loving Dominant by John Warren
- The Mistress Manual: A Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance by Lorelei Powers
- The Professional Dominatrix Handbook: A Guide for Fledgling FemDommes by Blonde Goddess
- The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play, and the Erotic Edge by Tristan Taormino, Barbara Carrellas
- Turning Pro: A Guide to Sex Work for the Ambitious and the Intrigued by Magdalene Meretrix
I’ve already begun The History and Arts of the Dominatrix by Anne O Nomis’ (a clever play on just publishing under the pseudonym of ‘Anonymous’). I am thoroughly enjoying the historical, anthropological, (and more broadly) archaeological look at the role that a powerful sexual woman plays in the societies that desperately need to worship her.
There is so much new material now that I’ve amassed for my own delicious learning. I am no better than a literary book dragon, jealously guarding their hoard of treasure. (Is it still a problem if you know it’s a problem?) Either way, I aim to bring my annotations and discourse here as I navigate through this often taboo and fascinating world. I certainly will look forward to the new personal revelations and epiphanies I will uncover about myself as my journey progresses, and they will be shared with all of you.
If you happen to be entertained by my random musings, stay tuned for more. Get another cup of coffee or tea or cocoa. Read on to my newer posts, and subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Thank you for reading.